I’ve struggled with personal confidence most of my life – growing up I was introverted and shy. I married early looking for acceptance and belonging and found neither. The man I married became physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive switching almost overnight.
Two children, a career, and seventeen years later, I fled a dire situation with our children and his mother. That was in 2005. I came out of the marriage with the bonus of having low confidence and self-esteem issues. I still struggle with these, if not on a daily basis anymore.
So where does this “aha moment” come in?
Well, it’s easy to get confused about which behaviours and traits you need to rebuild and adjust. I’ve always been humble; the very thought of tooting my own horn creeps me out. I thought that this was a weakness, one that needed firmly stomping on. It entangled in my mind with a lack of confidence.
Enter Chris Montoya and his suggestion that I take the Fascination Test on Sally Hogshead’s website. The test was a revelation that started a cascade of warmth as I realised that I’d been struggling to change the person that people actually valued me for. This is the opposite of what I thought I was doing!
That warmth continued to spread upon reading session five of the Blog topics Master Class, where Chris Brogan talks about confidence and humility being a powerful combination. The very traits that Sally Hogshead and numerous other people had suggested I was valued for.
My lesson from this is to be on guard because it’s easy to see your traits as a negative. In this time of resolutions, we should step back and question whether we are resolving to change something that’s a strength and that ONLY YOU see as a weakness?
I love this.
Wow, as I read your words, I felt this blog post in both my gut and my heart, probably because you were touching on both your personal power and your discovery of how valuable you truly are and how much there is to love about yourself.
Thank you for posting this. And thank you to Chris Montoya for being such a catalyst.
Thanks for stopping by, I think you have the right of it! Now to keep harnessing and appreciating what I’ve discovered.
It’s no little thanks to all of you that I’ve finally taken these steps.
Great post. I have so much enjoyed meeting you. Really… you are an inspiring person!
Right back at you Stan, you keep me on my toes and provoke much thought!
You are a joy to behold. Keep up the excellent writing.
Thanks Paul. You certainly kicked me into touch by telling me that I needed to learn brevity. It’s done my editing a world of good so far!
You’re a joy too, I don’t think anyone’s writing brings a smile to my face consistently like yours does 🙂
Fantastic Blog!! I have struggled with the same felings. This is right on time. Thank you.
Luv xo Lydia
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year to you too!
Thanks, I’m glad it resonated with you. I’m not so sure why this is such a tough one… I guess society and media norms are that you have to be bigger than life and brash in order to succeed, but this isn’t the reality of the situation at all!
Do you write for a company? I would love to link or repost your article on my blog if possible.
I write for a variety of clients both freelance and via my business http://www.indigogirl.co.uk
Feel free to link to the article or reblog it, I’d be honoured 🙂
Great post Kittie! Chris is a rare gem and I’m so glad you’ve had this revelation. Go you!
Thanks, Gwennie! Isn’t he just 🙂
Brilliant! What a beautiful discovery. Yes, I think we do sometimes think of our strengths as our weaknesses and it’s so wonderful to be able to step back and evaluate honestly. Love that you posted this, and love that Chris Montoya was the catalyst, as well Chris Brogan with the lesson. What a fabulous group we have built here!
It’s an amazing group and course. I’m so glad that I decided to take that leap and not to lurk, which is my usual MO.
Insights derived from group work and discussion are often the strongest for me.
Thank you for your support and constructive criticism, it is much appreciated 🙂
FYI, I shared your blog on FB last night. I felt your insight truly bears repeating and reflection, and the people with whom I’m friends and/or who follow my pages would find your experience and “aha!” extremely valuable.
Thanks Lisa, that’s good to hear and what I hope to achieve but fear I don’t when I sit down and write.
Believe me, I understand completely!
This is such a beautiful and courageous post, Kittie, I feel honoured and happy to have met you and connected on many levels.
I always loved your writing and wanted to read more of it. You have come such a long way and I really enjoy the brevity, clarity and beauty of it.
Thanks Barbara, those words mean a lot to me.
It was great catching up with you on Skype this afternoon and I look forward to another food and wine ladened evening where we can laugh and set the world to rights!
Oh Kittie – what wise words.
A beautiful and brave post.
Thanks for stopping and for the comment by Dee, what a pleasure to see your smiling face here 🙂
Your words strike home Kittie. It is much harder to view ourselves through other peoples eyes, rather than to stick with a view we first saw years ago – and which has inevitably changed.
It takes enormous courage to take that first step outside ourselves, but when you do the view is pretty splendid.
It is much harder, you’re right, and a real revelation when you manage it.
I wonder how easy it is the keep it up or whether that current snapshot then gets stuck in your mind. Seems like it might be a reflective practice that requires periodical review.