I’ve struggled with personal confidence most of my life – growing up I was introverted and shy. I married early looking for acceptance and belonging and found neither. The man I married became physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive switching almost overnight.

Two children, a career, and seventeen years later, I fled a dire situation with our children and his mother. That was in 2005. I came out of the marriage with the bonus of having low confidence and self-esteem issues. I still struggle with these, if not on a daily basis anymore.

So where does this “aha moment” come in?

Well, it’s easy to get confused about which behaviours and traits you need to rebuild and adjust. I’ve always been humble; the very thought of tooting my own horn creeps me out. I thought that this was a weakness, one that needed firmly stomping on. It entangled in my mind with a lack of confidence.

Enter Chris Montoya and his suggestion that I take the Fascination Test on Sally Hogshead’s website. The test was a revelation that started a cascade of warmth as I realised that I’d been struggling to change the person that people actually valued me for. This is the opposite of what I thought I was doing!

That warmth continued to spread upon reading session five of the Blog topics Master Class, where Chris Brogan talks about confidence and humility being a powerful combination. The very traits that Sally Hogshead and numerous other people had suggested I was valued for.

My lesson from this is to be on guard because it’s easy to see your traits as a negative. In this time of resolutions, we should step back and question whether we are resolving to change something that’s a strength and that ONLY YOU see as a weakness?

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Lunches out, Friday night drinks, summer picnics and office BBQs don’t seem to cause nearly as many embarrassing incidents as Christmas parties do. The gossip after the Christmas party is retold for years and years. It’s not easy to pick your way through this minefield so that you don’t become the next urban legend, let’s see if we can plot a course through it!

Build Great Memories Not Bad Ones

I put my hand up – I am guilty of being tipsy more than once at an office party. I’m pretty sure that I did nothing embarrassing, but I can’t really remember – luckily, nobody else was sober either. I tend to forget everything I do when I get tipsy which is both good and bad. Good because I am sure I’m highly embarrassing and so I’m glad I can’t remember. Bad because well just because YOU can’t remember doesn’t mean that others don’t remember – did I mention that I once woke up engaged after a night out in a Tokyo nightclub? Let’s not even go there!

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We all laugh when we see celebs that have wardrobe malfunctions. Anne Hathaway, Nichole Kidman and even, the eternally glamorous  Elle McPherson have all made some big wardrobe faux pas over the years. Wearing inappropriate outfits or clothes that just let them down in more ways than one, if you know what I mean. You want to look glam at your Christmas party and so you should. Rock your outfit, but just make sure that it will stay up, not ride up and covers all the bits that your boss should never see. Note to the wise, if it is fancy dress don’t go as a Christmas Tree or sexy Mrs. Santa! Oh yes, I did… remember stylish and sophisticated always win the day.

Get To Know Each Other Better

Mingling with people that you only usually speak to for work is cool. The Christmas party is the place to get to know each other better. You Should mingle outside of your usual work crowd as well. Mingle does not mean… well you know what it does not mean. We all know what it does not mean, but year after year, we go there all the same. Harmless flirting happens all the time in nearly every office across the world over. That guy from Accounts/Maintenance/Internal Control is cute and being flirtatious is a fun pastime, but it shouldn’t be taken any further at the Christmas party. It gives the wrong impression to everyone including him! Dancing shouldn’t become raunchy either. I remember one incident when I was in my early 20s when I was dancing away only to find myself with added bra padding – I hadn’t done anything to encourage that and it’s seriously not acceptable behaviour.

What causes this lack of reserve at Christmas parties? Alcohol and excitement are the main culprits; they are like little devils trying to make you do things that you wouldn’t normally do. Getting so drunk that you throw up, break a limb or make a total fool of yourself is uncool. Those little devils would have us believe that the ratio of water/juice/soda is one glass to one glass the same size full of shots… it isn’t, but they can be highly persuasive.

Get Ready With A Bunch Of The Girls

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These days I’ve found that when I’m getting ready for an office party the best way to prepare for it is to get ready with a bunch of the girls. We get ready together, and we eat whilst we are getting reading and chatting. We often have a glass of wine and some water as well so that we are already in the routine before getting to the venue. Pacing yourself is key to thoroughly enjoying every moment of the event.

The Christmas party is the work event of the year; it’s one of the only functions that everyone makes an effort to attend. A celebration to mark everything that has been achieved as a team in the past year. Now more often than not companies are immortalising these events by having photo booths capturing the moment. Unfortunately, this means that should you let the little devils have their way your antics may well be captured on film for posterity.

Make sure that you have an awesome time at your Christmas party and that you make memories with your colleagues that you’ll treasure for years to come. Be relaxed, enjoy yourself and remain professional – portray the image that YOU want to be remembered for.

As usual for a Sunday morning, Chris Brogan has gotten me thinking. Thinking about Indigo Girl and what the business and I need to focus in on for 2013. Today he’s challenged us to a Thee Book Diet (#3DB). The concept revolves around the fact that we are in an age of information overwhelm. We read vast amounts of material. We skim it, rush through it and rarely revisit it. So, how much of that information do we actually absorb and put into practice?

It’s a good point well made. The challenge is to pick three important books to read between November 2012 and November 2013, and read only those. Read them, reread them, absorb what they are trying to teach and adapt that learning to our daily lives.

This will be a difficult challenge for me as I always have multiple books on the go for business and for pleasure, but it struck me today that the books that I have in various stages of reading are contributing to the clutter in my mind. It’s something that I need to address. So, I’m going to take up the challenge and this blog is going to keep me honest!

It’s taken quite a bit of thought this morning but after a great deal of soul searching here are the three books on my shortlist. They won’t be final until 1^st November – I’m open to suggestions – feel free to poke holes in my choices

These aren’t affiliate links, so feel free to click through for more info about the books!

• Turning Pro: Tap Your Inner Power and Create Your Life’s Work

Steven Pressfield writes brilliant books in the self-help genre – Do the work and The War of Art have probably been the most useful books to me during my career as a professional writer. I haven’t read anything along these lines recently, and I am pretty sure that my process and attitude could do with a little readjustment. It’s a lifelong learning process, and I could do with being taken out of my comfort zone.

• Take Me To Truth: Undoing the Ego

I’ve been trying to read this book by Nouk Sanchez and Tomas Viera since 2008. I’ve gotten to page 40 on several occasions! It’s a challenging book that delves deeply into our belief systems and helps you unravel and release the ego. A dear friend, Ron Rink, who passed away this year, recommended the book to me. I dearly miss his wisdom and counsel. It’s time to put the work in on this particular subject. Ron was an inspiration and a good man – his writings can be found here, here and here.

•  The Impact Equation: Are You Making Things Happen or Just Making Noise

This is a bit of a no brainer. It doesn’t come out until 25^th October. It’s Chris Brogan and Julien Smith’s latest book. Content creation and digital marketing are a big part of my business these days so this seems like a good fit.

The thing that worries me is whether these books are varied enough.  I might switch out The Impact Equation for Ctrl Alt Delete – by Mitch Joel that comes out in May. It might align better with what I am going to focus on in 2013 – the Indigo Girl business model and ongoing expansion.

What do you think of the Three Book Diet concept and which three books would you chose? I’d love your thoughts and advice why not share them in the comments section.

Something is not quite right, not as it should be at the office. It has lost its sparkle, people are not engaging and do not want to be there, but you cannot put your finger on what the problem is other than employee morale is at an all time low and productivity has stalled.

© Mrs. Gemstone

May 2012 – An Office Anywhere – the office atmosphere is sub-zero; everything seems quiet, flat and dull. The workforce is just as drab as the environment; everyone stays in his own workspace, moving paper from one pile to another with one eye on the clock, waiting for it to be time to go home.

Lunchtime comes and goes, individuals and the occasional group go out to grab sandwiches but other than that, the workforce rarely mixes. If they encounter a peer, or even worse, a superior, outside of the office they take elaborate evasive manoeuvres to avoid each other.

Although not all of us have experienced such grim conditions, we are all familiar with this type of environment and the behaviours that it encourages. It is easy for an office to sink slowly into a state of malaise. This more often than not leads to lack of motivation, increased absenteeism, loss of productivity, reduction in employee loyalty, and an increase in staff turnover. This has a huge knock on effect on the businesses financial performance.

You might have tried to be the heart and soul of the office or the nurturing mother figure, but nothing seems to work. Whatever you do, the conditions as a whole will cancel out your efforts, which is why you want to shake things up to get a spark of life back into the office.

© Google

Laid back, high-performing team based business cultures, where everyone wants to work, put a great deal of credence in the adage that “a family that eats together stays together”. The likes of Google go that extra mile for their employees and make sure that the environment and atmosphere that their staff work in is as inclusive, collaborative and as social as possible.

Luckily, you do not need the deep pockets that Google has in order to start fostering the same kind of culture. You can make some straightforward changes that will help to address the issues, which will help to perk things up. Most of the solutions are tax deductible. They will not affect the employee’s taxes either. The company accountant will be able to advise you on this.

One of the simplest changes to make that will promote bonding between the employees is to provide a communal eating space and break room that everyone is encouraged to use.

On top of that and this is the critical bit, you should look to keep the space stocked with snacks and drinks for your employees. Lunches are also of benefit because they will encourage people to chat, come up with ideas and collaborate whilst they are eating together. Bonds and cross team relationships that did not have the opportunity to form before will begin to bloom. It takes a little time but the result is worth it.

© Google

Setting up the room could not be easier. Provide fridges stocked with juices and soft drinks; a water cooler; decent tea and coffee-making facilities – a machine is a much easier option to maintain than having kettles and ingredients lying around. Snacks ideally would be in the form of plenty of fresh fruits and other items such as biscuits, chips, cakes, yoghurts and cereals.  Candy can also make a lovely addition both to the break room and even scattered about the office or reception area in decorative dishes or jars – look out for lollipops and jellybeans, which are popular choices.

Having a regular beer together can also help to break down barriers. One top idea is to set a couple of hours aside on a Friday afternoon – this does not have to be every Friday afternoon, but it should be a regular-scheduled event – for beers in the office with snacks. This will allow

© Jerry Bunkers

employees to socialise within the office environment again also providing the opportunity to discuss ideas and collaborate in a safe and informal atmosphere.

Changing the office environment and culture by providing these types of benefits and facilities in the workplace have a proven track record. They increase morale and loyalty to the business, which increases motivation, creativity and productivity. These in turn have a direct impact on the businesses bottom line.

Additional Resources:

How “Eating” And Organizational Success Are Related  – by Bruce L. Katcher, Ph.D. President, Discovery Surveys, Inc.

In the Plex: How Google Thinks, Works, and Shapes Our Lives - by Steven Levy (Chapter Three – P121 – Don’t be Evil – How Google Built its Culture)

Australian – Guide to Fringe Benefits

UK –  HMRC Guide to Benefits in Kind

USA – IRS Guide to Fringe Benefits

Don’t Know What Chain Letters Are – Let Me Explain

Back in the day, for those under the age of 30, there was a phenomenon called chain letters. You would receive a letter in the post and you would have to pass it on to a set number of friends, by writing them letters. To think that I thought those glory days were over.

There used to be some negative connotations surrounding the receiving and sending of chain letters. There is nothing like a bit of scaremongering and some people took pleasure from the effects of sending out scary versions. I’m not overly superstitious (no need to mention talking to magpies if I see them or avoiding black cats on Friday the 13th) so I never paid much attention to these. Lots of interesting horror stories were spawned from the chain letter phenomenon.

Anyway, last week I got what can only be described as a social media chain letter. It is much more exciting than the original concept. I’ve learned so many interesting things about the people who I connect with on a daily basis that I’m delighted to join in.

Mallie Dein of Go Creative Go! shared “7 Random Facts About Herself” and has challenged me to do the same and then pass the baton to 5 other people.

Now let’s bear in mind that I am English. I don’t tend to talk about myself. It’s just not an English trait. Wherever you connect with me I am pretty much just me so let’s see what you might not know!

Kittie Walker the French Years

I had odd parents – they were great – but odd none the less. After John and Mary adopted me at birth, they put my name down on the waiting list for the Lycee Francais Charles de Gaulle – great education – but at school you got detention for speaking English and at home I was the only person that spoke fluent French. Way to confuse your child

The Rebellious Teen

I was a teenager in the 1980s. Whilst everyone was fainting over Wham!, Duran Duran or Spandau Ballet, I was a Rock Chick who often crossed over to Goth, Indie and Punk. I went to my first rock concert with my cousins at the age of eight. Van Halen at The Rainbow Theatre in 1979. My tastes are much more eclectic these days.

Circuitous Routes

My mum was a “Media Type” and a published author. She always encouraged me to find my own path; to follow my dreams, which of course I didn’t do, until I finally understood the wisdom in that piece of advice seven years ago! I haven’t looked back since.

Life’s Rich Tapestry

Both of my parents were functioning alcoholics. Their families were riddled with addiction issues. That is when I am truly glad that I was not blood related to them. They both lived life to the full. They partied hard and died young. I was angry with them for a long time but I would not want to change any of my life. It’s these experiences that mould us into who we become.

Vegetarian But Not a Zealot

I’m a vegetarian have been on and off since I was about twelve years old. The rest of my household are not vegetarians!I love to cook, I’m a total foodie and love to feed people.  Travelling through France eating and drinking is one of my favourite pastimes. I am sublimely happy when experimenting in the kitchen. I often write in the kitchen too. It is such a creative atmosphere and space for me.

I Love Japan

I love to travel and immerse myself in different cultures. I lived that whole Lost in Translation life in Tokyo for a while. It is an amazing place and living in that bubble was an extraordinary experience. It is safe to say that Sake goes straight to my head. I got engaged in a nightclub in Tokyo, in its Sushi Bar to be precise, so I was told – it’s all a bit foggy. Yes we did get married and had two beautiful daughters, but we did get divorced some 15 years later. I’d live in Japan again in a heartbeat.

Gaming and Geekdom

I am a gamer and a computer/technology geek. I even save photos of particularly beautiful pieces of hardware. I’ve been an avid consumer of video games since the early 1990s. I don’t get nearly enough time to play these days but when I do my current games of choice are Skyrim, Kingdom of Amalur and the MMO Rift. If i watch TV at all it’s shows like NCIS, CSI, Mythbusters or Game of Thrones.

So that brings me to the end of this social media chain letter challenge. It was fun taking a stroll down memory lane. I hope you enjoy strolling along with me. I am passing the baton on to (please don’t shoot me).

Donetta Harrison

Tricia Smith

Gemma Dearsley

Susan Forsythe

Leanne Hoagland Smith

Have you ever found yourself in a business meeting or at an event, listening to someone speak, but not hearing what they have to say? You’re just going through the motions in order to get through the meeting, seminar or conference. Sometimes we make a snap judgement about what is or is not of interest to us and then we promptly tune out. Preconceived ideas are a dangerous animal. It’s not an easy one to admit to but I am pretty sure that it is something that we are all guilty of, at least occasionally!

Our Habit Of Forming Preconceived Ideas Starts Early In Life

It starts quite early in childhood. Toddlers do it, then there is teenage belligerence.Both are learned behaviours, quite often ones that relate to the need for attention even if the result is negative attention. Getting through those years intact and sane is a miracle. I was a pretty contrary teenager, if my mother or another significant person in my life liked something, then, for a period, I took the opposite position.

That period ended when I realized that I was the one that was suffering. I was merely cutting my nose off to spite my face. No one else, least of all my mother, cared whether I ate zucchini. I actually waged a war over the eating of zucchini, and when I think about that now, I just cringe because it was a very close-minded thing to do. I was not open to other people’s points of view and I dread to think how many opportunities to learn something were missed along the way.

Sometimes We Need A Little Reminder

Daniel, the creative partner at Indigo Girl, and I were discussing Sylvester Stallone a few months ago, the longevity of his career and brand prominence. As the discussion continued, it became apparent that Daniel saw something that I didn’t. Sylvester Stallone was one of those things that I had become contrary about as a teenager, my mother admired him and my now ex-husband was nicknamed “Rambo”. Poor old Sylvester didn’t stand a chance. I’d done myself a disservice. I hadn’t seen Rambo or Rocky but I had very distinct and entrenched opinions about both. I completely dismissed them out of hand, for all the wrong reasons and without any basis for doing so because I had not seen them.

And so the Rambo and Rocky marathons commenced. I was blown away. Rambo was not even about what I thought it was about – watching the Rambo series was a journey in itself. They were not testosterone laddened films that glorified violence but thought provoking, well written narratives that speak to many of the issues that faced our society back then and are still highly relevant today. I enjoyed all of the Rambo films and I would say that they stand shoulder to shoulder with the film that I tend to judge conflict films by – The Killing Fields. Rocky was a different story all together, I’ve only watched the first three so far. They are no doubt beautifully written and well shot but I did not take to the storyline of the first film at all. So no, I don’t like Rocky as much but now I have a sound basis for being able to make that judgement. Shedding my preconceived ideas allowed me to enjoy some amazing pieces of cinema history and I learned a thing or two about myself and the world along the way.

So Why Do We Need To Challenge This Especially In Business

This translates well to the business arena. To move your business forward and to stop it from stagnating you have to challenge your preconceived ideas about everything – people, processes, products and most importantly your ideas of how things should be done. We live in a rapidly changing world. Nothing stands still and you cannot afford to either. When building and reviewing your business strategies don’t discount any avenues at first, nothing should be off the table until you are able to make a well-considered decisions about them.

I strive to be as open as possible; I monitor myself and try to stop myself from being closed-minded, heading myself off at the pass. And if I am having one of those days when I know that I am less than enthused about a task or event then I incentivise myself with the promise of a visit to Starbucks afterwards or something else equally as delightful.

So, whilst you are at a meeting, reviewing your business strategies and personal development plans, take yourself out of your comfort zone. Don’t throw caution to the wind but become that cautiously open minded leader that you need to be in order to reach your goals.